1. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Mouth to mouth is intimate. It triggers an immediate emotional connection. By kissing during sex, you made sure that it's about trusting and not just thrusting.
2. Keep eye contact. Looking at the person with whom you're having sex keeps you both from drifting off into fantasy land and instead focusing on the very real, living person you are with at that moment. By maintaining eye contact (which can be tough because it is very vulnerable) you'll be cementing your bond.
3. Practice non-sexual touching daily. It's very difficult to feel sexually inspired if you go from zero to 60. In other words, if you don't touch all day and then one partner dives for sex, it cannot possibly end up a truly connected sexual experience. Foreplay starts the moment you wake up in the morning and that includes a warm hug, an arm around the waist, a shoulder massage, caressing your partner's hand, brushing a hair out of the face, etc . . . Little displays of affection lead to big pay-off.
4. Set a sexy scene. It may seem to go without saying but candles, silky bed linens, soft music, and a bottle of wine well . . . these things are tied to romance because they work. Don't forget to put a little effort into your boudoir preparations because the right setting will definitely help get you in the mood.
5. Don't take your clothes off. There is something about the feeling that you're so desperate for your lover's body that you can't take the time to remove all your clothing. Try only pushing aside the necessary items to up the urgency.
6. Change locations. Always "do it" in the bedroom with the door closed? You might be surprised what a quickie in the kitchen might do for your sex life! Or for the very daring, an adrenaline charged session in the out-of-doors (the idea that you could possibly get caught can up the excitement quotient). Bust out of your "bedroom only" rut and you'll be on your way to a more interesting sex life.
7. Combine food and sex. Even grown-ups like to play with their food occasionally. Take food to bed with you. Feed each other. Get more creative than that. A little drizzle of honey can go a long way . . . if you get the picture.
8. Rediscover the PDA. No, not the type of PDA where people are saying "Oh please, would you two get a room already!" But a little thigh grab under the table at dinner, some hand-holding and a passionate kiss on a street corner for no reason, or perhaps an accidental brush of your um . . . sexual anatomy against your partner can do great things for building anticipation of what's to come later. A little innocent public foreplay can lead to some great at-home follow up!
9. Leave the Lights On. Seeing your partner in the heat of passion and watching for facial expressions of pleasure can not only be exciting, but also enlightening. By bringing your sex life out into the open and paying attention (and homage) to each other's bodies in the bright, you'll be able to better appreciate what it is about your partner that turns you on and see firsthand what effect your actions have on your lover.
10. Wear a mask. In the same way that leaving the lights on can add spice, removing all visual stimulation can bring a new element to your sex life. With a little sensory deprivation, you'll be forced to rely on your other senses for feedback and oftentimes what you'll feel is heightened as a result. Take turns wearing the mask for equal opportunity teasing.
11. Go for some after-play. Instead of jumping immediately out of bed after a sack session and getting a snack or perhaps taking a shower, instead spend a few minutes embracing or touching. Resist any urge to discuss what happened or asking your partner "Was it good for you?" Instead, just revel in the glow of what you two just shared. By taking a little post-coital time out, you'll likely end up more bonded after sex instead of just sweaty.
12. See each other as lovers again. Somewhere between the laundry and stack of bills to be paid is the person you felt insane lust for before you two shared any responsibilities. Look at your partner and instead of seeing someone with whom you share a life, remember that person also as the one whose clothes you once wanted to rip off. Because bills aren't sexy, but memories sure can be!
© 2009 Joel D. Block, Ph.D. & Kimberly Dawn Neumann, authors of Sex Comes First: 15 Ways to Help Your Relationship . . . Without Leaving Your Bedroom
About the Authors:
Joel Block, Ph.D., is an award-winning psychologist, practicing couple and sex therapy in New York and offering couple-relationship seminars throughout the United States. Dr. Block has appeared on the Today show, Good Morning America, and CBS Morning. He lives in New York.
Visit Joel Block, Ph.D. at www.drblock.com. Kimberly Dawn Neumann, is a Broadway performer and highly credited dating/sex/relationship writer. Her work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Marie Claire, Maxim, and more. She lives in New York City.
For more information please visit www.SexComesFirst.com